My Chemical Romance was one of my favorite bands as a teenager. The angst and the unnecessary dramatics just spoke to my overly emotional youthful soul . . . still does on some days. That band just hits!
One balled stands out more than the rest as I get older, 'Teenagers'.
The writer of the song got inspiration from riding a train in NYC and observing the youths as unintimidated rabble-rousers. Even though he was an adult in his early 20s, these teenagers terrified him. That gave way to the song that is currently playing on repeat in my head.
Contrary to the song, I'm not actually afraid of teenagers.
Weary of large groups of them? Sure.
Thankfully the majority of teenagers I converse with are good kids, phenomenal kids! But some of them . . . not so much. So, I have what I consider to be healthy hesitations when dealing with teens.
But when I photograph someone, that hesitation goes out the window.
It has to.
Being photographed is a very revealing process where the best images come from the most real moments.
What was a 'real moment' going to look like for a 17-year-old young woman who was losing her mother to ALS? (read all about Alyssa and her battle with ALS here and here)
What stage of grief would be occupying her mind?
I'd already had wonderful conversations with Alyssa and her husband and it was clear to me their children had a phenomenal upbringing full of love, motivating expectations, and outstanding examples of service.
Still, I wondered.
Alyssa's daughter, Loralye, had been dealt a painful task with a daunting, unavoidable outcome. Even the strongest, most secure adults buckle under that type of pressure.
How was Miss Loralye facing this daily loss?
When I showed up on that grey day in October I was greeted by Jessica who showed me to where Alyssa was comfortably curled into her favorite chair. We chatted for a few seconds before Loralye stepped into the room, her smile filled her face, and her sweet voice greeted everyone.
There was no masking of frowns, no red eyes from a recent crying session, no clipped voice showing frustration, no curled body language, no antisocial undertones, no hiding- nothing but happiness and excitement.
Throughout the photoshoot for the Anthony family, my primary focus was Alyssa but it was impossible not to take note of the rest of the family, especially Loralye.
Her calm personality, easy smile, and big eyes that were always observing her mother memorized Shea and I. Loralye was strong and lovable every second I was there.
Her easy laugh and quick wit added a lightness to what could have easily been a sad experience.
Then, when we all met again so the Anthony family could see the images we created, Loralye was vocal with her gratitude, calm, and utterly endearing. Through tears and a smile, she expressed her appreciation with such genuine emotion that I felt a rare loss of words.
Let me make it very clear, there is something unquestionably special about Loralye and her older brother Nehemiah (his heartfelt words can be found here).
I knew I needed to talk to Loralye again.
"How's all this been?" I asked Loralye a few days later. "All this attention and having it out in the public what your family is facing?"
"The amount of people checking in is amazing," she said. "Even people who didn't even know have come up to talk to me. Like, I have people at school and teachers who have stopped me just to ask about my mom and then ask about me."
"So many people have read the article you wrote" she continued. "Or just seen stuff on Facebook. The pictures, especially the ones of me and my mom have been seen a lot." I could hear the smile in Loralye's voice. "Those ones are my favorite. All of them are gorgeous. The whole thing stole my breath away. When that first came on the TV I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I just didn't have words for it."
"I take that as a huge compliment," I said. "You photographed so well. You all did! Were you nervous before the shoot?"
"No, I was excited. Before, my mom was nervous. Like she would wonder if this was something she should do or not. I told my mom this was something we needed to get done. I told her we were gonna take this and make it our own."
"Heck yeah!" I said. My heart darn-near bursting with pride for a daughter that wasn't mine. Alyssa was brave enough to do this because her wonderful daughter told her she would. Loralye loved her mother enough to see this need for their family and encourage bravery within her mother.
"We're gonna love these pictures for forever. Like forever," Loralye said. "I go through my camera roll every day. We watch the video every day. It still takes my breath away even though I've seen them a million times. There is so much emotion. And they are so beautiful. These are gonna be with us for forever."
I nodded my head, needing a beat. These pictures for the Anthony family are far more than beautiful seasonal images.
They encompass the story of Alyssa's life and what was always most important.
"Any words you want people to read?" I asked my young friend.
"Yeah," Alyssa said. "It sucks, but we're getting through it. Every day I start my day, I get my mom out of bed. I get myself ready and her ready. We just keep going no matter what."
What else do I say?
How else can I describe this incredible, outstanding young woman?
What else can I express about this unforgettable, unified family?
You've read it. You've read their words.
And if you know the family you know what I've cobbled together is just a shadow of how united they really are.
Maybe this is good parting insight:
If teenagers scare you.
If you find yourself frustrated by the youth of today.
If you find yourself annoyed by their lack of understanding or lack of drive.
If you worry about the youth your children will interact with, there are amazing teenagers out there.
There are teenagers who carry more than their loving families would want, but they do it with love.
There are teenagers who step into the role of caregiver with a smile on their face and joke at the ready.
There are young people out here, right in here in Bradford County PA and Tioga County NY, who love with a depth that is beyond description.
I have met them.
I've photographed them.
They are the best of us.
Loralye, thank you for being a real-life example of unshakable bravery and devotion in the face of loss. You have a power that goes beyond anything I could ever write.
Love,
Melinda
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